Episode 11: My Health Journey - Victor Ingram

Two Black men speak plainly about prostate cancer, early detection, and the mindset shift that follows a diagnosis. We share how monitoring PSA, planning for family, and building support make health care a team effort, not a solo burden.

• treating health like a job with annual physicals 
• family history, military exposure, and higher risk in Black men 
• mindset changes after diagnosis and valuing time 
• debunking the “jinx” myth around talking about death 
• modern diagnostics, early detection, and better options 
• support systems including counseling, advisors, and groups 
• one conversation that led to a life-saving checkup

Chapters

• 0:00 Treat Health Like A Job
• 0:52 Introducing Victor And His Diagnosis
• 1:41 Family History And Active Surveillance
• 2:31 Why Regular Checkups Matter
• 4:38 Hearing The Words And The Biopsy
• 5:22 Mindset Shift And Valuing Life
• 6:45 Planning, Wills, And Transparency
• 9:03 Myths About Jinxing And Talking Death
• 10:36 Doctors, Data, And Early Detection
• 12:12 Support Systems And Patient Advisors
• 13:44 Normalizing Men’s Health Conversations
• 14:32 A Conversation That Saved A Life

Transcript

SPEAKER_01: 0:00

I'd say treat your health like it's a job. Every year you should be going to the doctor and getting the physical. And a lot of my friends don't want to go to the doctor because they've said they told me every time I go, I get bad news. I'm serious, I've heard that so many times. Every time I go, I get bad news. I was like, but you but you're getting the news that you might be able to change. I mean, your cholesterol, you can change your cholesterol, your blood pressure, you can change your blood pressure with this cancer. We can treat this cancer, but you gotta catch it early. And thankfully, I caught mine early.

SPEAKER_00: 0:52

Welcome back to Well Health Black Men. Uh, my guest today is retired Colonel Victor Ingram. You've heard him on my previous episode where he was talking about mental health. But Victor is also now a prostate cancer patient. So we're going to be talking just for a few minutes about Victor's health journey and how he was diagnosed, how he's dealing with that, because part of real health black men is also sharing the stories of men who are going through or who have gone through significant health challenges and how they're dealing with it. So, Victor, welcome back. Thank you. So, in our conversation where we met, you you said that you had recently been diagnosed with prostate cancer. Tell us about that.

SPEAKER_01: 1:41

I was diagnosed uh in 2024. So it's been a little bit over a year. And the diagnosis came after years of taking physicals and watching my PSA go up. So it wasn't a shock to me, grantly. Um I have a family history. My father died of prostate cancer. My brother has had it. Numerous friends have have been diagnosed. So I kind of anticipated it. So it made it a lot easier to deal with. I'm early stage, so it's more control monitoring at this phase of the disease. So active surveillance. Active surveillance. And I'm very optimistic.

SPEAKER_00: 2:30

Very optimistic. Let's talk a little bit about that journey because part of the struggle that we're helping men to overcome is the fact that you need to be getting your regular checkups, you need to be monitoring your PSA, not only your PSA, but all the other vital signs, your heart, your cholesterol, your your all your signs and your all the things that we need to make sure that we're living a healthy life. So you were so you were doing that all along. So you said you were not surprised when you came to this point. Not surprised at all.

SPEAKER_01: 3:03

It's a very common disease, as you know, amongst black men. Correct. So that that helped me to deal with the diagnosis because I kind of anticipated it. And I don't know if it's proper to say you anticipate getting prostate cancer, but I kind of anticipate it because it's just so common among black men. And being in the military, as we spoke about in your last show, being in the military, I was accustomed to getting a physical every year. A full physical with flood work.

SPEAKER_00: 3:36

So it it wasn't a surprise for me. So I want to commend you for doing that because um part of the challenge we're trying to help men to overcome is that it's okay to get a physical. It doesn't mean you're weak. Don't wait until you're sick to get a physical. But you having those physicals let you know how your body was performing. The other thing that has been found out recently, and and there's now some research going on with this in the in the VA, is that people who've had a military service, especially people who've been deployed in the military, also seem to have a higher propensity for prostate cancer. So add to the fact that you're black and military service also, and you had a third indicator, you had the genetic uh relation. You're not in you don't inherit cancer, but you have a genetic propensity because you've had at least two people in your family who've also had prostate cancer. So you had these three, these three things along the way that when it finally came, because you had information, to me, it seems that you were prepared for the diagnosis. That doesn't mean it made it easy to hear the diagnosis. Is that correct?

SPEAKER_01: 4:57

That is absolutely correct. I remember the doctor telling me, and he took a moment, he saw it, he said, I hate to tell you, but you got prostate cancer. I said, Okay. Okay. Yeah, okay. And of course, it was after the biopsy, which is a traumatic, traumatic experience in itself.

SPEAKER_00: 5:15

In and of itself.

SPEAKER_01: 5:17

Biopsy was worse than hearing that I got cancer.

SPEAKER_00: 5:20

So you're under active surveillance. Uh, so tell us a little bit about the the mental and emotional journey you've been going through from hearing, from knowing there was a possibility that you could encounter cancer cancer, and then hearing that you have actually diagnosed with prostate cancer, and now you're in this process of active surveillance. Has there been any mental or emotional adjustments you've had to make? Your mind playing games with you?

SPEAKER_01: 5:49

Um, I don't know if my mind has been playing games, but I'm I'm kind of a different person in terms of understanding or valuing my life. Because I understand I'm living with this chronic disease now. More of a reason to smell a rose and and count the daisies and enjoy rainbows and just gather more out of life.

SPEAKER_00: 6:15

Yeah, and the same thing happened to me after my diagnosis of my three months. I had to have a different view of life, different view of the value of life, and taking time to enjoy the things that you need to enjoy, realizing that all the things that I taught was just I took for granted, I can no longer take for granted.

SPEAKER_01: 6:34

I don't have any time for pettiness. I have no no no time to hold grudges. I I I have to make my life about love. Um, I've ridden my obituary. Not that it's any way um a morbid thing. It's like I don't I don't want to leave around, I don't want to leave a bunch of confusion for my wife. I have a will, I have a trust. My wife has been given instructions, my children know what happened at the time of my death. I had a friend who passed away about three weeks ago, and he left chaos. He didn't communicate with his kids, he he wasn't very transparent in his his last will. And I'm I'm the executive for his will, and I have to clean it up. I did not want that for my kid and her wife.

SPEAKER_00: 7:29

And that's a that's an interesting perspective because lots of times we again we tend to think that doing those things is weakness, right? Or admitting defeat. Whereas preparation is leaves your family in a better state, not assuming that you're gonna die next week or next month. You're gonna die eventually, whether it's from prostate cancer or from something else. So being prepared, I mean, I'm I'm glad you brought that up because I I've known so many people who, you know, and also as a minister who also does counseling sometimes, you know, some people don't want to talk about preparing for for the inevitable, you know, a will, instructions about what to do, you know, passwords, connect bank accounts, all the things that your family have to deal with. I mean, I know of a family that he passed away and she went to the bank to access the accounts, and the bank says, We don't have you on his account. And he's gone. It took her weeks, months to prove to the bank that she was his spouse to have access to the finances that she needed to live.

SPEAKER_01: 8:46

I have friends that don't want to talk about death because they say it jinxes them. It's a jinx. I was like, for real? It's coming, anyhow. You think you think by talking about it, it's going to enhance it, it's going to increase the inevitability that it's going to happen? No, and I'm with you. My wife has passwords. My wife and I literally have annual, biannual um business meetings where we talk about passwords, where we talk about how much money we have in the bank, where we talk about investments and whatnot.

SPEAKER_00: 9:26

So it's it we have a very transparent financial relationship. Well, thank you for bringing that up because not many, not many men are willing to bring those things up as we talk about it and your journey. I wish you the very best for your journey. Um, and you seem to be prepared and you seem to be in good spirits. And so, what would you have to say to men who may be struggling with this thing that we just talked about? Should I even go to the doctor or not? And and or should I, I'm feeling good right now. So why should I even bother with this? I'd say treat your health like it's a job.

SPEAKER_01: 10:08

Every year you should be going to the doctor and getting the physical. And a lot of my friends don't want to go to the doctor because they've said they told me, every time I go, I get bad news. I'm serious, I've heard that so many times. Every time I go, I get bad news. I was like, but you but you're getting the news that you might be able to change. I mean, your cholesterol, you can change your cholesterol. Your blood pressure, you can change your blood pressure with this cancer. We can treat this cancer, but you gotta catch it early. And thankfully, I caught mine early.

SPEAKER_00: 10:47

Yeah, so people say, you know, what I don't know won't hurt me. But when it comes to our health, especially our health as black men, what we don't know can hurt us. Can kill us. Can kill us because this there can be things going on in our body that if we don't have information, we can't make those adjustments, like you just said, right? High cholesterol can be lowered, uh, diabetes can be lowered or cured. Yes, prostate cancer can uh can doctors are actually saying now that prostate cancer can be cured if it's caught early. Yeah, right? Hypertension can be reduced. Uh so all of these things that are going on, and one of the doctors we had on a previous episode said the tech medical technology today is so advanced that if you're getting your regular annual physicals, they can actually see information and be predictive of things happening in your body before they happen. So you don't have to wait for pain because pain lots of times means that you're advanced. Too late. It's too late. Too late. So you and I want to encourage our brothers to don't be afraid. It's not gonna jinx you. Life is gonna happen whether we do it or not. The inevitable is coming. Let's live life to the fullest extent, but also do the things that we need to be prudent in order to make sure that we're taking care of our health. We're also taking care of our family and the things that we can we we have to leave behind. It doesn't necessarily mean we leave behind, but we can't always assume that we're always going to be able to take care of everything ourselves. Yes. Right. So we want to encourage our brothers to get your checkups, know your numbers, visit your doctor, ask questions. And when you do have that bad news that you're talking about, know that there are people there that you can talk to who can help you through the process, which gets back to what you do in your professional life, which is mental health counseling. And there's also medical counseling. Yes. And I've also learned this thing recently called patient advisors or people who are there to help you through the process, who may not be a doctor or social worker, but they're a person who's been the journey that your doctor or your your clinic can assign to you to help you through the journey. So it's not going to be a lonesome journey. There are many tools out there to help us. Would you agree?

SPEAKER_01: 13:24

Absolutely. And I think what we're doing today, in terms of getting the message out about this illness, it enhances the opportunity for men to be more comfortable having the discussion about their physical health. This is very important. This moment is very important. You have two black men who are talking about prostate cancer and the things that we've learned and perhaps can be used to help other people.

SPEAKER_00: 13:52

Support groups, another opportunity for people to reach out and get support. Well, thank you, Victor, very much. I appreciate your vulnerability and sharing your journey. And I know that it will help some of our listeners as they're trying to navigate their health journey. We want to make sure that we're we're we're normalizing these conversations so that men can feel free to have that conversation, even if you have to have it a group among men. And like you said in our previous episode, your social groups are really important. So make sure that you're surrounding yourself with people who can help you on your journey and people who can help you normalize these conversations. Thank you very much, and I really appreciate it.

SPEAKER_01: 14:32

I want to share one quick experience where the conversation actually saved my brother's life. A friend of mine had been diagnosed with prostate cancer before I got my diagnosis, and I was telling my brother about it, and he's like, he thought, it's been a while since I've had a physical. So the following week he made an appointment to get his physical. Lo and behold, he has prostate cancer. He did a year's worth of treatment, and thankfully he beat it. But had he not had that conversation when he did, it would have been progressed.

SPEAKER_00: 15:10

So the conversation was critical. Well, thank you. And that's a really good point to end our conversation on. The conversation is important, and have and knowing those things and sharing them when we when we need to share them is also important. And I'm glad that your friend got the treatment that he needed. And and I hope he's doing well. He is. Thank you. He's doing well. Thank you. And thank you again. All right.